What Tense Was That?

I have a friend who is tense. I didn't quite know what she meant. So, I asked...

After some discussion, I learned she was in the present tense. At least I know she'd get over it. But she did indicate she was not now but possibly would be in the future tense, or even in the future perfect tense. Well, maybe that's better than being the the past tense. So many of us live there; it's crowded. My goodness, what if she said she would have been in the past perfect (or pluperfect) tense? So much tense must involve much tension, plu-pre-perfect, or the rare but occasionally previously perfect.

 :)  I am so confused.